Evangelicals Private Audience with The Omnipotent

When my, bless their little hearts, Evangelical friends have alluded to a personal conversation with God/s (the plurality is to entertain the Trinity concept that defies basic math and throws sand into the gears of logic to the assertion of monotheism–but– that in itself,  is another topic for a blog posting), back to the conversation with the omnipotent, the creator of the every expanding Universe; which, call me skeptical, or maybe cynical, but I will go with skeptical with the earnest effort of attempting, difficult as it may be, to maintain  an open mind to the rationalizing enlightened evangelical with their chimerical perception.

The nascency of this essay was borne from the dust of FB comments; where, my faith enthralled friends daily thank and supplicate “The Almighty” for a host of personal agendas. I’m just musing, but I would think, the architect of the mind boggling vast universe might be a touch preoccupied, which Cosmologist, the erudite star gazers, discerned through probing scientific inquiry there are two hundred billion galaxies, each with a hundred billion stars and planets. We are residents of the Milky Way galaxy, where the itty-bitty planet earth spins and swirls.

So, I have two questions for the enlightened, faith imbued, morally elevated ones; the incessantly prostelyzing evangelicals:

  1. What does God’s voice sound like?
  2. How many ears does the earth obsessed numen have?

Now, as dubious as this might sound, I, the atheist, consulted my King James Bible for a scriptural verse/s that would definitively elucidate a providential intonation. Actually, I Googled and crosschecked with a reaffirmation reading of the authenticate Word in the sacrosanct Bible: accuracy verification. However, we will run the guantlet of preconcieved interpretations starting with Cecil B. DeMille cinema crafting of Charlton Heston’s heavily modified voice in his Ten Commandments (1956), the phrase “the voice of God” has become a synonym for “deep male voice”;God speaks in a “still small voice” (1 Kings 19:12). When the prophet Samuel heard God’s voice (1 Samuel 3), it was so ordinary-sounding that Samuel thought it was his teacher Eli. It took God four—four!—calls to Samuel to get the young prophet’s attention;“‘Is not my word like fire,” declares the Lord, ‘and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?’” (Jeremiah 23:29); but the voice of God itself, suggests Jewish tradition, is heard in many different tones. When Moses heard God speak to him for the first time at the burning bush, the ancient rabbis stated that God’s voice sounded to Moses like that of his father Amram; the Talmud describes God as speaking to the wise through a heavenly voice termed a bat-kol: literally, a “daughter of a voice.” The implication is clear: God can make His—nay, Her—voice sound like a woman’s; …….and, so,If God’s voice changes to suit the ear of the listener, then the divine word—like the sound of the divine voice itself—may also be open to new, multiple tones and interpretations. I would like to suggest one more consideration: God might sound like yourself……yea, I would strongly urge to go with that! My suspicions are, that the talk you had or having with God is more in a format of a Shakespearian soliloquy. The biblical spin to try and account for, the multifarious acoustics of the Almighty’s articulation is suggestive of a duplicitous ruse; but if, one could corrobate with multiple sources, possibly, all the fortuitous evangelicagals that had secured a private bat channel to God’s undivided attention and unequivocally described God’s voice as a booming baritone…well, then, proof positive…but, what we have is an eclectic array of garrulous utterances. Peer substantiation would lend weighted credance to claim. Just suggesting, those voices in your head, might not be the omnipotent. Which sorta segues to my next question of, does the Creator really have time to sit down and chat being mindful of the ratio of size significance, or in our case, insignificance?

Facetiously, I suggested that for the Almighty to entertain billions of conversations, she/he/it would be sporting poly-auricles, which is silly from many perspectives; one, right off the “side”of my head is [was there an appreciative chortle for the trite pun] the divine entity is non-corporal: bodiless, wanting of any anatomical feature(s), to include the hormones; the physiological elixir of emotions secreted by gonads and the pituitary glands…hmmm, compassionate, and all loving, without the the excreting organ wouldn’t it be null (?), and the gender question, well, my goodness! But, the humbling ratio of size of the planet earth to the universe— and— to continue with the logical “connect the dots” discography, our puny existence is infinitesimally irrelevant: roughly, the earth is to the observable universe as an atomic nucleus is to the earth; really itsy-bitsy! To reiterate, why, if there where a guardian God, whatever pronoun that fits your fancy, probably wouldn’t entertain a/your private audience because it would be comparable to you having a conversation with an electron of an electron cloud buzzing around the nucleus of a carbon molecule in the matrix tissue of any one of the five vital organs of your body temple.

I realize, my above satirical commentary, will not sway, convince the die-hard 1st century man-god believers, who are enthralled in the cosmology of the Bible and think scientist are a cabal of elite know it all frauds; science is just wrong, there is just one universe created six thousand years ago with no evolution or climate change, which is just unadulterated hooey.

Facts are stubborn things and randomness is the norm. Amen!